Just Let the Dead Horse Rest!

Summit/Lionsgate have pissed a lot of people off with the announcement that the final chapter of The Twilight Saga having a “twist” ending, leaving interpretations for future developments independent from the literary abortion that was the source material. Producers have elaborated that “the Twilight Universe has plenty of stories to tell”; apparently, five feature films about the most droll and anti-feminist romance of our time wasn’t enough. First comes the horrific realization that, by being money-grabbing scripts, these sequels could actually manage to be shittier than the grotesquely dull existing titles. Then comes the even worse realization that the Twilight phase could be elongated for another five years. Film-literate consumers and straight men were celebrating Friday for the end of a tyrannical oppressive reign on Hollywood, arguably the worst film franchise of all time, with its detrimental societal effects. I made room in my obscenely tight college budget to throw down for some Grey Goose and a fancy dinner for the occasion; now it seems that developmentally stunted 15-20-year-old fangirls will continue to be jaded sheep well into their 20s. I’ll be blacking out to that concept this weekend, my friends.

It’s a difficult dilemma; when can enough REALLY be enough? Despite public perception, Hollywood is a volatile industry with limited returns. While it’s easy to criticize industry leaders for churning out bankable garbage (I’m looking at Disney with the gag-reflex trigger that was their announcement of 2-3 LucasArts films PER YEAR), movies aren’t as bankable as one would consider. The insurmountable costs involved, especially considering the wild risk associated with creating something “new”, is daunting. But one would hope industrialists have a passion for their industry, and when the market has become polluted and is diluting the quality of existing relative classics, when can the greed be capped off?

Twilight isn’t the first franchise Hollywood has exploited generously, it’s just one of the most perturbing ones of recent memory, particularly given its scope and success. Between splitting the vapid Breaking Dawn into two features (really, all four novels could have been condensed in a single feature, mind you) to spurring an entire genre of shitty movies for teens to consume, Twilight has done enough fuckin’ damage to my era of pop culture. I’d really like the next generation of women to admire a truly inspirational figure before being brainwashed into soulless, subhuman housewives, Stephanie Meyer, so please put down your sword. History of film has proven that there is never an adversion to shamelessly seek a quick buck- Jaws 3, The Hangover: Part II, Poltergeist 2, and the sequel to Terms of Endearment that no one remembers all exist. But at what point is it worth compromising the integrity of great source material? We’ve seen it in effect, particularly recently, of the bitter taste of new installments corrupting the source. The Hangover: Part II is one of my go-to examples; the shameless cash-grab really shook what made the first film a great comedy, making me think of the “Wolf Pack” in more of a resentful manner than anything else.

This is an age-old debate, but in a year where Hollywood announced 95 sequels in the works (not counting remakes), the fast-food, low-nutritional film structure is becoming the main form of consumption.  In a medium used as an “escape” where mainstream audiences seek “reliability”, sequels and remakes are an easy sell, but are detrimental for the formation of defining pop cultural apexes. 

Honestly, I’m all for “inspired exploitation” if the result is a product that the original source would stand next to with dignity. For every 30 Michael Bay like cash grabs, we get to feel a little hopeful with the appearance of something like This is 40. I’m not going to deny that this is Judd Apatow’s way of making some money after his less-than-successful Funny People, a capitalization on the popularity of his sleeper hit Knocked Up. But he seems genuinely invested in the project, seeking to catch up with truly adorable characters as they undergo a new stage in their lives; the story is relatable, inspiring, not far-fetched, and seems to induce some real laughs. I have no doubt that Universal sought Apatow to create the feature to pad their wallets; it can’t be a particularly expensive feature to create and will (hopefully) see some pretty hefty returns- but it seems to have been executed with integrity. 

A huge chunk of this issue rests on our shoulders. I’ll admit it, I saw Snow White and the Huntsmen this summer. But if people continue to primarily consume cheap, easy shit, of course the studio is going to continue to manufacture what the people’s investments demand. This weekend, please don’t be a sheep to the hype. Walk by the Breaking Dawn Pt 2 theater and meet me in Silver Linings Playbook or Anna Karenina.